Gaslighting: It happens in families

Mental slavery is the worst form of slavery. It gives you the illusion of freedom, makes you trust, love and defend your oppressor while making an enemy of those who are trying to free you or open your eyes!

—Miss Fiyah

When we are born, we look into the eyes of our parents taking care of us, and we trust. We believe they are going to love us, protect us and take care of us.

But, sometimes that doesn’t happen.

Many books have been written about the how some people are not born to be parents. It is very easy to have a child. But it is not easy to parent a child.

Gaslighting for many years

I have been a victim of “gaslighting” and I have believed many things I’ve been told over the years. But it’s a long life. Now I know what I’ve been told, were lies.

1. Sticks and stones will break your bones, but words will never hurt you. 

Not true. And this lie is one that I believed my whole life. Psychological abuse is not that “bad”. My mother always asked me when I complained about my brother’s bullying, “Do you see the bruises, Laura?” I had nothing visually showing. But the cuts went deep.

2. My pain didn’t matter. 

Not true. It matters.

3. Physical abuse from my brother was not abusive because I didn’t have scratches or bruises. 

Not true. Holding someone down against their will and tickle torture until you cry, is physical abuse. Holding someone down while licking and spitting on them, is abuse.

4. Threats to “get” me “hurt” me, or “kill” me, were “just words“.

Not true. I witnessed abuse to animals, what do you think I thought? Maybe there was an association?

5. I was oversensitive.

Not true. I was told I was “over-reacting”. I was told I was “making a big deal of everything”.

6. Anger is bad.

Not true. I was taught that if someone raises a voice, that was the worst thing in the world. We are not to get angry. Someone long time ago, (about 2,000 years ago) got mad. I’m mad. I am taking my anger and using it positively. Anger is a good emotion. Do you get angry when you see a child abused or an animal abused? I do.

7. Children should be seen and not heard.

Not true. Studies now indicate that if you were brought up hearing this, you have a high-risk of mental health problems. Children are the future. We now know that the first 1,000 days of a child’s life are so important. The brain is still developing for the first 6 years of a child’s life. Now we are learning about the long-term effects of childhood trauma. Toxic stress and the long-term effects of child abuse and neglect. Adverse Childhood Experiences.

8. You must forgive.

I was told by family members that I must forgive my abuser or I will never get over my PTSD symptoms. Not true. Trauma does not “heal” by forgiveness. Trauma needs help with a qualified professional.

I was told many false beliefs over the years. I was a victim of Gaslighting! I believed those things I was told. Now I don’t. I woke up.

For years I protected my abusers

Why? I was told that my abuser had changed and found God. I believed it. I was always defending him. I was (what psychologists say), a “flying monkey”. Oh, how I defended my abusers. I was an easy target: sensitive; gifted; imaginative; loving; forgiving, and; empathetic. Easy prey!

The worst abusers

Who are the worst offenders? They are people that lie to hurt you—intentionally harm you—tell you lies for personal gain—those type of lies… are dark. There is no other word for me other than “dark”.

Am I mad? Yes. Am I hurt? Yes. Do I have regrets? Yes! For years I was a victim of “gaslighting” and it has taken my psychologist a long time to help me to see “the truth”. I really had a hard time seeing the big picture. And it has been hard. Sad. I had to accept what I’ve been told were … lies.

And I’ve had a lot of tears. But I am worthy of love and respect.

You are worthy

Don’t be fooled by lies. Do you doubt yourself? Do you have low self-worth? LIES!

You are worthy. You are loved. These are lies from people that want to bring you down!

Don’t believe it.

Hug your inner child and love yourself.

Don’t believe the gaslighting lies.

Peace.

 

 

 

 

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