Letter to my toxic sibling

To those who abuse: the sin is yours, the crime is yours and the shame is yours. To those who protect the perpetrators: blaming the victim only masks the evil within, making you as guilty as those who abuse. Stand up for the innocent or go down with the rest.

—Flora Jessop

We cannot be complicit. We must always take a stand.

Choosing to stay silent, is a choice. And it is not a good choice when it comes to witnessing bullying and abuse. It is abuse in an of itself.

Winston Churchill, the man who stood up to evil itself, said, “You’ve got enemies, good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.”


My parents chose to witness the bullying—and chose to ignore it. Enable it. It continues to this day. But I will not stand for it!

It has been a long road for me. I have finally figured out many things later on in my life. One thing I have really figured out is this: you cannot walk away from your fears. You must look at them in the face. You must find courage. And that is what builds character.

Character, to me, is someone who has a strong sense of right and wrong. Someone who stands up to a bully with courage. For years, I feared my bully. I had been manipulated into silence until I witnessed the bullying again later on in my life. But by this time, I had grown into a strong woman. I was not going to take it.

I decided to write to my “bully” not that long ago. I sent him a 12-page letter. I can imagine that he doesn’t think the threats, witnessing animal abuse, denials and physical abuse were abusive. He denied the abuse all those years ago, and I’m sure he’s denying it now. He had always told everyone I was over-sensitive and over-reacting – making a big deal about everything.

I have heard after I sent the letter, that he thinks I’m spreading malicious lies.

Read the blog post and watch the interview!

No. I’m just telling the truth. Something that abusers don’t want you to do.

Below is part of my letter. I claimed my power back:

I am definitely not suggesting everyone confront their abuser. It is a personal choice. I had many panic attacks after I did it. After having my life threatened if ever I “told” — it was deep in my consciousness.

But now my Little Laura has a voice. I embrace her love. And she thanks me daily for listening to her cries.


My Courage to Tell is now available on Amazon.

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5 Replies to “Letter to my toxic sibling”

  1. That was powerful. I feel so trapped by the “installed” Flying Monkeys (who know the truth and protect the lie at all costs) and the ones that are charmed into believing the story told to them. The isolation is absolutely frightening and it hurts to be alive every day.

    I am so glad you were able to draw on your strength and determination to not carry this with you into your future, Laura. God Bless.

    1. Thanks Marsha. I understand you feeling trapped. The abuser and flying monkeys will want you to stay silent. Sorry you feel so isolated. I hope that you can reach out to some people and unload that burden. Even if you don’t confront them. It will help with your healing which you deserve. You deserve to feel peace. My psychologist helped me with everything. She validated my pain. She helped me talk about the things I didn’t want to ever reveal. Those “secrets”. They still upset people when I mention what I witnessed.

      It was not easy for me to send the letter. I did have panic attacks before and after. The threats stayed with me all those years. But I kept reading my bible and I had such support from my husband, son and psychologist. I did it for my little Laura inside me. I hope that it gives others strength by writing it. Thank you for all your support. I appreciate it very much.

  2. Thanks Laura for being brave enough to tell your story. I’m happy you wrote him a letter, and let him know, you will not tolerate his bullying anymore. I was sexually abused from the age of 7 until I was 9 years old. I wish I was as brave as you, but at this point in my life, I can’t do it.

    1. Thanks Donna. I am so sorry that you had to go through that. So terrible. We all deal with our trauma in different ways. I hope you have had some healing. It is a huge burden carrying the secrets. I appreciate your feedback very much. It was extremely terrifying for me to send the letter. Threats when we are children stay with us. Thanks again for your support.

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