Farrah asked me what sending the letter did for me. I told her that, first, I felt I had finally stood up to my brother and ended the secrets. And second, I wanted to see if my mother would finally do what a mother should. Protect me. I found out my answers. I had to now accept the horrifying truth; my mother was never there for me. It was only an illusion.
Do not reveal the secrets!
Ah, Mother’s Day. I had such a myriad of emotions. My son was coming home to see me from university. I am a mother. I’ve been a good mother. A protective mother. A loving mother.
But, my mother is still alive. She is alone. She won’t get my “Happy Mother’s Day” wish as she did for over fifty years. She won’t get a card. She won’t get her flowers. She won’t get her hug. She won’t be taken out to dinner.
No, she won’t get anything. It is her choice. It breaks my heart. But, I have set my boundaries and I will not waiver.
If you are reading this, then perhaps you are aware of my story. My mother’s denial and not speaking to me drove me to therapy and ignited me to write my book; my story. It was a story lying hidden inside of me. Buried (just like she wanted).
Now I’ve unleashed it.
So, every Mother’s Day, I’m emotional. I am grateful for my son. I am incredibly proud of him and all he does. I love him beyond words. I am grateful he celebrated “Mother’s Day” with me.
My husband came home with 24 tulips in his hands. “Happy Mother’s Day,” he said leaning over and he gave me a kiss.
We had just had a chuckle. My husband had come downstairs after getting ready with a purple shirt on. He looked at me and said, “You have got to be kidding.” I had a purple shirt on too. “I had mine on first!” I laughed.
We waited for Mitchell to come home. We were going out for some lunch. Mitchell arrived and the dogs went crazy with their yelps in anticipation. He walked in the door and the dogs jumped all over him in excitement.
Mitchell walked over, smiled, and gave me a big hug. “Happy Mother’s Day Mom,” he said. My heart melted. Any hugs I get at this age, I savour. He’s tall. He’s handsome. He is kind and thoughtful.
We all looked at one another. Mitchell had worn a purple shirt. We burst out laughing. Too much.
After our hellos, we ventured out for a beautiful lunch at our favourite restaurant. We had some great conversation, wine, and food. After we arrived home we decided to watch a movie together. Mitchell headed back to university. I started to cry. I can’t help myself. I just miss him.
It was a blessed Mother’s Day for me. One I struggled with. But, it was an incredible day that I will cherish. I am so grateful for both my husband and son.
Mother’s Day is hard for many. I understand.
If you’ve made it this far in the post, I’m sending my love to anyone that needs it today.
And of course, blessings.