The Dark Side of Tickling

I still remember being pinned down by my older brother while he laughed as I screamed for him to stop. He thought it was funny and was enjoying it. I wasn’t laughing—I was gasping for air, terrified, and humiliated.

For years, I brushed it off as “kids being kids.” That’s what I was told my whole life. But today, I know better. What happened to me wasn’t harmless fun—it was abuse.

Ann Landers once wrote:

I have dealt with this problem before, but tickling is such a well-disguised form of torture that I feel it should be unmasked periodically. Tickling is NOT, and I repeat, NOT harmless fun. It is a subtle form of sadism.

A History of Tickling as Torture

Tickling has been used as a form of torment throughout history. In the Han Dynasty in China, it was a punishment that left no physical scars but caused extreme distress. In Ancient Rome, victims had their feet soaked in salt while goats licked them—helpless and tied up, they suffered immensely. Even in Nazi Germany, tickling was employed as psychological torture.

Tickling may sound silly at first glance, but when you consider its history and how it can overwhelm, terrify, and strip someone of control, it becomes clear: tickling can be weaponized.

When Tickling Becomes Abuse

Sibling tickling is often dismissed as “harmless play.” But in reality, it can be a form of sibling abuse—especially when one child uses power, force, and domination over another. When a child screams, cries, or begs for it to stop, and the other continues regardless, it crosses the line into abuse.

A recent Huffington Post article stated, 

“I’d be remiss if I failed to mention that tickling is one of the means used by sexual predators to groom their victims.” 

This is why tickling can’t be ignored as “just fun.” It can traumatize children in the moment and, in some cases, become a precursor to sexual abuse.

Tickle Responsibly

Jennifer Lehr offers helpful guidelines for responsible tickling:  

• If a child is too young to talk, don’t tickle them. Better safe than sorry.  
• Always ask before tickling. Though this takes away the element of surprise, it allows for playful consent.  
• Establish a clear signal that means “Stop” if laughter makes it hard for the child to speak.

The key is **consent**. If a child says “stop,” you stop. No questions, no excuses, no “but they were laughing.”

Speaking Out Against Sibling Abuse

My experience with tickle torture at my brother’s hands wasn’t play—it was abuse. It taught me that my “no” didn’t matter—that I could be humiliated, overpowered, and ignored. Too many children learn this same painful lesson when tickling is dismissed as harmless fun.

It’s time to call this what it is. Tickling without consent is abuse. We must stop normalizing it and start protecting children.

This is just one of the many important topics I’ll be covering in my upcoming book and course on sibling abuse—a form of family violence that is more common than most realize, yet too often overlooked.

Resources:

1.https://hubpages.com/family/Quiet-Crimes-against-Children

2.http://articles.chicagotribune.com/1988-12-22/features/8802260609_1_tickling-dear-ann-landers-harmless-fun

3.https://www.huffingtonpost.ca/entry/whats-wrong-with-tickling-children_us_587fd0dde4b00d44838cb6f9